mercury in retrograde
by the-honda-civic-of-fanfic
Summary: this is completely not serious, it is a cross over between sailor moon's Ami, naruto's Ino, Yu-gi-oh's Seto Kaiba, and a some other characters along the way. just hope it can make someone chuckle at how silly it is :D oh, uh this is my first fanfic, and i haven't read a lot. but, i don't own these characters. this is also just loosely based on their characterizations.
1. Chapter 1 and 2

**Chapter 1:**

The setting sun blanketed Lavender Town like a child getting tucked in by its mother, warm and snug. Being that it was already late May the cherry blossoms had given way to the vibrant green of summer. Nights like these always made Ami think about her father. Staring out her bedroom window, she let out a small sigh~ lost onto the quickly darkening evening.

_*uuuuuurufugrhughgghhghghgh*_ Ami's stomach burbled like a witch's caldron.

"Time to eat, I suppose" she thought, but in an empty house her thoughts almost became audible.

Mizuno Ami was the only daughter of Lavender Town's sole female surgeon, Satomi-sensei. Ami lost in thoughts of what to eat, caught herself face to face with the glaring red numbers of her clock. **17:38** She scraped her unusually heavy feeling body off her bed and scuttled for the door.

_`click`_ Ami locked the door to her and her mother's apartment. It was quaint but seemed too close for the two of them at times. The smell of rain danced around Ami's nose, she let out a little sneeze. _`KAchoo`_ She lived about 5 minutes from the nearest conbini, a 7th Heaven 11. From the time she left her front door to descending the stairs, the darkness of the evening closed and the dim burn of vending machines and street lights dotted the street winding down to 7th Heaven 11.

"Did it rain...I must have missed it while studying…" Ami thought as her stomach lead her to the conbini. The hole in the side of her shoe filled with the chilly water from a puddle at that moment, _`quiiiish`_ she recoiled instantly. At least she was wide awake now.

Cars whirred by at a steady pace. Lavender Town wasn't small but not quite big...not quite suburban but not a city either...it was actually quite nondescript in almost every sense of the word. Each passing car blew up cool air off of the mirror-like pools leftover from the apparent afternoon rain. It made Ami wish she had just stayed at home in the comfort of her bed. As much as her brain wished that, her stomach was giving the orders today. Ami hadn't changed out of her school uniform since getting home in the mid afternoon. Yet, as she slipped out the door earlier she at least brought a light sweater embroidered with a calico cat to shield her from the chilling evening air.

"Almost there!" the stomach rejoiced.

eeeeeIIIIEEEERRRRRR…. "AAAAAAAAaaaahhh" crash...thud.

* * *

**CHAPTER 2:**

Everything was cold.

Ami heard a car door slam and opened her eyes.

"Are you alright?" a figure made faceless by the headlights shining in Ami's eyes approached her.

She sprung up...actually the sound is what made her fall, she wasn't stricken by anything but the fear..she was skittish that way.

"Oh..I think so?" Ami mustered as much of a reply as she could. Her eyes began to adjust from the headlights. In front of her stood what seemed to be some sort of glam rock lead vocalist...he wore a gaudy silver coat with too-high collar and too-tight leather pants. She managed not to chuckle as his eyes narrowed on her. _Did he think he really looked good in that? It's May...not Halloween…._

"Sorry I almost hit you...You shouldn't be walking alone at night anyways, you know." he talked as though he trying to audition for the starring role in an action film.

"Maybe you shouldn't um...maybe you could drive a little more with care!" Ami was heated but also not the best communicator. As she said this she felt something cool and wet hit the back of her leg. 'Yeeep'! Taking full notice of her landing. she now saw the imprint of her butt in some mud at the side of the road.

"What's wrong now? Are you sure you can get home?" the man..boy..person's voice sounded a little more sincere..it caught Ami by surprise.

"...I fell in this mud...I'll be fine, just..ugh." Ami felt the series of events collapse on her and couldn't be bothered to attempt social pleasantries. SLAM. The car door closed and the engine revved. Ami looked up and just saw a flash of white and pink! _'Umph'_ A towel had hit her in the face and she slipped again in the puddle.

"Get home safe, the towel is on the house" the voice grew faint and by the time Ami collected herself again she recalled the the glowing red of her alarm clock while she sat looking off at the car's taillights. Again she scraped herself up, wrapped the towel around her waist and went to 7th Heaven 11, after all she was still pretty hungry.

"Who on earth just has a towel in their car…"Ami pondered staring into the assortment of bread items in the store.


	2. Chapter 3 and 4!

_AN: thanks for reading, i know this story is dumb it is just meant to be a collection of silly tropes from anime and fanfiction etc. hehe 3 fair warning this story will probably derail somewhere down the line_

**CHAPTER 3:**

Ami walked towards the restroom after she couldn't find her favorite pizza bread. The strangers pink towel was draped over her shoulders as she attempted to clean the mud that now stained the back of her soaked skirt. She looked into the mirror and studied her reflection as she let the water run over her small handkerchief that she pulled out of her pocket. She groaned at the sight of her bangs, which were jagged and literally only a centimeter (in most places) from her hairline. She confessed to her senpai, Greg that very morning but to Ami's dismay he rejected her. It turned out that he was a very backwards dude and told her that he could only date girls who were stupider than himself. Upon returning home Ami did what every girl in shoujo manga does after being rejected. She pondered ending it, but opted for cutting her hair because if she died she would never be able to study again, and that thought literally terrified her.

"All I wanted was freaking bangs," she muttered as she wrung out her hanky, watching the muddy water circle the drain. She used the pink towel to dry her botched hair, pausing as the smell it softly emitted reached her petite nose: it smelled like ume chips...her favorite flavor. She blushed.

She left the bathroom and went to the drink section to pick up some tansansui before grabbing an american dog and a negitoro roll. She noticed the clerk at the register give her a strange look, but she ignored them. She was too busy thinking about what had just occurred outside of the combini. That stranger in the tight fitting pants...the ume chips scented towel…. She didn't get a good look at the guy's face, but his voice did sound a bit like Gerard Way. The thought made her cheeks warm again. Her evanescence ringtone broke her out of her reverie. She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" It was Ino, Ami's best, if not only, friend. They met in the first year of high school. Ami was a transfer student since her mom got transferred through her work and Ino was the first person who spoke to her because she saw her reading My Immortal, an underground romance novel.

"I'm at 7th Heaven 11," said Ami, "Do you want me to get you some pudding?"

"Ugh, no. 7th Heaven 11 doesn't carry my favorite brand. Are you near a Family Matters Mart?" Ino was notorious for being picky, but that was just Ino.

"Yeah, it's literally right next door to this 7th Heaven 11."

"Ok good. I need you to get me the latest book in that one romance series that I'm reading. Have you read it yet? Dorian Florian left Beatrice because he didn't like how her first name sounded with his last name. TBQH if I were her I would have changed my first name anyway, I mean if it's love, it's love, right? You can't let things like that get in the way," Ino went on.

"Yeah but Beatrice was named after her deceased mother's favorite teacup pig, so I kind of understand where she is coming from…," Ami offered gently.

"Ugh Ames, the world needs more people like you, truly. Anyway, I'm heading over to your place, now. My mom said that I can close the flower shop early tonight so I'm bringing the face-masks. Do you want to duel, tonight? Should I bring my deck over? OH wait! I forgot to ask! How did it go today? What did Greg say?"

The question made Ami stop dead her in tracks, biting her lip as she gripped the door handle of Family Matters Mart angstily.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4:**

"AMES IOWA" Ino was slumped in front of Ami's door.

"What's with the towel? You look like a pleeb" Ami touched her head almost forgetting that some weirdo gave it to her.

"Ugh it has been a day and a half…" Ami stepped over Ino and the door opened with a _kerplunk_. The two girls plopped down on Ami's bed and Ino pulled out the moisturizing masks...they were kappa themed, which delighted Ami to no end. She had always loved the little river monsters and now with her garbage haircut when she put on the mask she might be mistaken for one in the right light.

"You've been awfully quiet...spill the beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes..." Ino was trying to pander to Ami's love of internet culture. Her time in the computer club allowed for plenty of meme discovery.

"YOU NAAAAAAME IT." Ami bellowed. "Ok...so Greg, you know Sugihara. I completely floundered. He probably thinks I'm such a dingus. And to make matters worse some weirdo in a car came along and made my whole night even stranger." Ami was rambling.

Ino knocked back a couple DorPringles. (dorito x pringle) It was her favorite snack so she only reluctantly offered some to Ami...but she knew it was the right thing to do because of Ami's sob story.

"What's on the blanket?" Ino knew full well it was towel but, you know.

From the looks of it there was nothing particular about the towel. It was exceptionally soft, Egyptian cotton. Ami looked over the blanket for anything out of order or unusual. There was a glint from the bottom left corner, some gold embroidery. S.K.

"Uh there is just this small esu and ke on the bottom right here" Ami raised the towel to Ino's face..she accidentally got too close and Ino flinched.

Ami took a quick shower to get the dirt out of her mangled haircut. She thought a lot about the SK and how stupid Greg was. Meanwhile, Ino sat listening to her favorite romance novel series, you know the one she said she liked, on audio book. She had actually liked listening to books better than reading them, it gave her less of a headache. Ami stared in the mirror for a long time before coming out to polish off the bad of DorPringles. "Will anyone ever love me…" she wondered as she fiddled with her bangs one more time. "...should I just shave my head and join a monastery…" she clearly needed more chocolate.

" OMG you're back...you'll never believe what Beatrice did, she sucker punched BuhLindah because she caught her passing out a worksheet in class to Dorian Florian." Ino was now upside down on Ami's bed.

"Isn't BuhLindah their teacher...that's just her job…" Ami floated out of the bathroom, or so it seemed as the misty fog of her bath poured out around her.

"Yeah, Beatrice is nuts. But this story is just so addicting! Ugh. I wish something like that would happen to me…." Ino didn't seem to notice how bizarre that statement was.

" You mean get sucker punched by someone's crazy girlfriend?" Ami chuckled.

"Obviously not! I mean...why can't anyone fight for me like that….I just want a guy to be willing to throw down for me. I feel like I am living in a soggy noodle bowl when it comes to guys." Ino was incredibly popular, so it wasn't really hard for her to get a man but, most people couldn't handle her...she was just…. the most.

"Ugh well good thing I don't have to face Greg tomorrow that's all I have to say." Ami usually loved school but the weekend was a welcome relief after how terribly her day had went.

"Pass that towel here again, I want to take a look." Ino reached out her arms.

She gave it a look over once again, Ami was smarter than a green bean but Ino had eagle eyes and a penchant for uncovering the truth.

**'AHA'**

"I knew you were missing something Ames…." Ino boasted as she raised the towel up to show Ami her findings.

"What do you think it means?"


End file.
